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Thursday, May 21, 2009

Part ThirtySeven;; "I don't wanna live this life, I dont wanna say goodbye."

Saturday 25th of August

I checked the text message. it was from Yousef.
"Please tell me you're on your way to the airport to see me before i leave?"

I got over myself and replied, "Yes i'm on my way, be there in 5 minutes."

I quickly walked myself out of the airport so i can play the role well, as if really i just came in.

He replied, "YES YESS, thaank you! i really need you right now!"

I got my phone out and texted him, "Im at starbucks, where are you?"

*BEEP* new text message, "I'm coming now." was the message from him.

I got myself seated in the upstairs starbucks and waited for him.
My heart started beating so fast.

I was looking for my car keys in my huge handbag, cos i wasnt sure i put inside when i suddenly heard his voice.

"Dayouma?" He said.

I jumped and quickly turned towards him.

"Ohh Hii yousef, you scared me!" I said.

"Sorry, besmellah 3laich." he said and got himself seated.

We stared at eachother in silence for a long time.

"How are you?" he asked, breaking the silence.

"Uhh, im fine, you?" I asked.

"Im fine too." he said. "I'm sorry about the other day, i was shocked and i didnt know what to say."

"It's okay, i guess." I said.

"No, it's not, i know i hurt you of how cold i was about the whole situation, but really i was just shocked, and.. i dont know." He said.

"It's okay, let's just get this over with, i dont want you to leave kuwait and we're having fallout, i can't do this to you." I said.

"You're amazing." He said.

I blushed and giggled. "Thank you, you're not bad yourself" I said.

He smiled, and i felt really good.

"i wish i can pause the time right now and just sit here and talk to eachother and be together." He said.

"Yeah, that would be pretty awesome, but you know, we'll have plenty of time to spend together, just go and make me proud." I said, trying to make him feel better about leaving.

"Thank dayouma, wallah i don't know what i'd do without you, i mean it." He said.

"I don't know what i'd do without you either." I said.

Saturday 25th of August

He took a quick look at his watch.

"Oh i better go to the terminal now.." He said as he was standing up.

"ohh, well i'll walk you there." I said and stood up.

"Okay." He said and waited for me to pass him.

we were talking step by step to the terminal.

"For how long will you stay there?" I asked.

"Four years." He said.

"What? no i mean, will you have breaks? like would you come back to kuwait in the summer holiday or something?" I asked.

"Ohh, well yeah i will try to, cos noway i'd stay there for full 4 years, i cant, i won't survive there." He said.

"Oh,,thats good, cos i dont think i could live without seeing your face for 4 years." I said.

"ba3ad 3umri, dont worry, i'll be back inshallah. what makes you think i can survive 4 years without seeing your beautiful face?" He said.

I giggled and blushed and turned my face away.

We reached the terminal.

He faced me.

"Well, i guess this is goodbye." He said.

"I guess so." I said, trying to be strong and not break down in tears.

"derbalich 3la nafsich okay? please, 3shanii, and dont forget me." He said.

"inshallah,you too, take care, and i could never forget you, we'll speak very soon inshallah." I said.

"definitely, inshallah, w ana awal ma arou7 menak, etha shraitli kha6, i'll send you a message with my number there so we can stay connected." He said.

"Inshallah, goodbye yousef." I said.

"Goodbye dayouma, i love you." He said.

" too" I said, my heart was aching so bad.

"Here." He said and handed me a small bag.

"What's that?" I said.

"It's sometihng to remember me, something that will make you feel that im with you the whole time inshallah." He said.

"Awwh, thanks!" I said. "Waiiit.." i continued, and opened my bag to look for my perfume.

I got out my burberry the beat perfume and gave it to him.

"this will remind you of me, i always wear it." I said.

"Thanks!" He said with the biggest smile on his face.

"You're welcome!." i smiled back.

"Allah la ya7remni minich goulay ameen!?" He said.

"Ameen!" I said and a tear fell down my cheeks.

"Dayoum!!! shgelna!! la tabcheen! la t3awreen galbii" He said.

"Okay, im sorryy! mu beedi wallah!" I said and wipped the tear away.

"3afyah, be strong, 3shan ana a9eer strong too!" He said.

"Okay." I said and smiled.

"Yalla sweetie, goodbye!" He said.

"goodbye, text me as soon as you can! 3shan a3aref enik we9alt bilsalama inshallah." I said.

"Inshallah, bye!" He said and walked away from me. On his way to the terminal that seperates two lovers.

I kept my eyes on him until he was out of my sight.

I felt weak after he's gone.

I slowly walked to my car, feeling hopeless and so weak.

I got into my car.

and then it hit me.


I starting crying in my car. in the parking of the airport.

I jumped to a girl knocking on my window.

I opened my window and wipped my tears.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

"I'm fine.." I said, feeling totally weird.

"Are you sure? you look very tired." She said.

"Yes im sure, im fine, thank you." I said.

"Okay, deerbalich on the road, bye." She said and walked away.

i was thinking ya7laiilha she asked me and stuff.
I actually felt a little better.

I took a deep breathe and started the car engine.
I drove home and on the way i was listening to the song "Almsaafer" By Rashed alMajed, over and over again till i got home. in one peice. and got myself out of the car, and into the house.

I got into my room and locked the door.

I wanted to be alone for a while.

Saturday 25th of August
My bedroom

I woke up to my phone ringing. it was D.

"helloo..?" I picked up the phone.

"Heyyy darling, how are you?" she asked.

"Im not okay." I said.

"Awwh, sweetie, what happened?" she asked.

"I went to the airport to see him." I said.

"YOU DID WHAT?! OMG WAIT WAIT, i'll dress up and come over, i have to face you when you tell me this, BYE!!" She said and closed the phone.

I went back to sleep.

20 minutes later,
A crazy hyper on sugar lady enters my room and starts yelling, a.k.a Dana.


"Okaaaaaaaaaaaay!" I yelled.

"Yalla yalla yalla yalla!!" she said.

"Ya al7anaaaaaaaaa!!!" I said

"Yalla goumay" she said and turned on the lights.

"okay." I said and used my hands to cover my eyes from the lights.

She pulled the blankets off of me.

"D!!!! WAAAAAAAY!!" I yelled.

"khala9 goumay, you mesta3sera, yalla goumaay 3an ildala3!" she said.

"inzain inzaiin." I said.

I woke up and told her what went between me and yousef before he left.

"9adgeeni, i think you two will still be strong even when you're apart." she said.

"I hope so, i really hope so." I said.

"Do you want ot go somewhere now?" she asked.

"No i dont feel like it, maybe tomorrow." I said.

"Okay, where do you want to go?" She asked.

"I dont care, where ever." I said.

I was walking D to her car when i remembered.

"THE BAG!!" I yelled.

"What bag?" D asked.

"Yousef gave me a bag before he left, waiit i'll get my car keys." I said and ran upstairs.

Saturday 26th of August
Outside my house

"What do you think it is?" D asked as i was opening my car.

"I don't know, but the bag smells nice!" I said.

I opened the car and got the bag, i opened it and i found an oversized T-shirt that i assumed was his, and an abercrombie & fitch "Fierce" Cologne. The smell is sooooooooooo amazing.

"Awwh, the tshirt is sooo cute!" D said.

It was a black oversized Tshirt that has joker's face in the middle and it says "Why so scared?"

"I totally love it!" i said.

I said goodbye to D and went back in the house.

I changed into black leggings and wore Yousef's oversized tshirt.
I sprayed the cologne all over my tshirt and my pillow and layed on the bed.

The smell was so amazing, i seriously felt Yousef was next to me.

I closed my eyes and fell asleep.

Saturday 26th of August
My bedroom

I woke up feeling so sick.
I felt like i can hardly breathe.
It doesnt feel the same without Yousef around.

It has been only less than 24 hours since he's gone and it's too hard already.

I checked my phone for any messages from him.
No messages.

I still havent received any message from him.
He should've arrived in USA by now.

Im starting to worry..


- S™

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Part ThirtySix;; "Baby, I'm so CRUSHED!"

I'm sorry but this post, the conversations will not be in different colors cos i was doing it all and when i was done, my laptop decided to act gay and it froze, so i had to write it all over again, and i dont have the time right now to color them. so i'm gonna make them boring and dull only for this post. :P

(note: I know this post was delayed, sorry for that, I'm writing this post right now on the way home in the car, with the scary weather outside, its dusty and you can barely see anything!! My dad is driving and all the cars turned on their flasher lights, it's really scary.)

I even took the time to take a picture of the weather. :P

but anyways, here is the part you've all been waiting for!!!

Sunday 24th of august
D's bedroom

"D, I'm scared of loosing him!" I said.

"I can't believe Haya went THAT far!" D said, shocked of what i told her.

"I know, i feel sorry for her but still, i mean i dont know what to say to Yousef now." I said.

"Dont tell him anything just yet!" D said.

"No, i have to, i promised him i will tonight, and he knows that i met Haya today! i have to tell him..." I said. "But i dont know what to say.." I continued.

"It's gonna be hard, but he needs to know everything, so you need to tell him, and just get it over with, seriously this is getting you into a lot of stress and you need to get rid of it all." D said.

"Okay, i'm gonna spill everything to Yousef, from the first start to.... OMG!! khaled!" I yelled.

"What about him?" D said.

"I cant tell yousef about Khaled, he's gonna get mad, because i talked to him, i mean i answered his calls.." I said.

"But you didnt know it was him, just tell him eveything and be honest he'll understand." D said.

"He''s leaving in less that 24hours, i dont want him to leave Kuwait with a broken heart." I said.

"He's not gonna be heartbroken, he might get mad because you didnt tell him about it all before but i'm sure he'll understand." D said.

"I hope so, he's leaving tomorrow @ 4PM" I said with a sad tone.

"Awwh sweetie, you'll be fine..!" She said and gave me a hug.

Saturday 25th of August
My bedroom

I called Yousef.

"Aloo.." He said.

"Aloo, halla yousef" I said.

"Hala wallah dayouma, Shlounich?" He asked.

"Im okay, you?" I asked.

"Ham ana okay, haa bashray esh9aar weyach?" He wanted to know.

"I'm gonna tell you everything, from the start to the end." i said.

"Okay, tell me.." He said.

"Look, let me talk and you just listen, let me finish everything and then you can say what you want okay?" I said.

"Okay, start." He said.

"When Haya found out that You and me are together, she got jealous, because unfortunately she's inlove with you, and she did a lot of things just so we could break up, she kept letting this guy called Khaled.. --" I said.

"Khaled?" he interupted me.

"Yousef, what did i say?" I said.

"Ohhh, ohh soorryy, continue.." He said.

"Okay, this khaled drove me nuts, he kept calling me from different numbers, and he even started stalking me when i go anywhere that Haya knows of, remember the two guys that kept staring when me and D were in chocolate bar? yeah, Khaled is one of them im not sure which one though anyways, Haya even gave him my email and he added me on msn, as soon as i knew it was him, i blocked and deleted him, and he kept adding me with different email addresses. Im sure haya is behind this guy called khaled because i have a proof, she sent me an email by mistake asking Khaled about 'her' plan, i was so shocked i couldnt believe it. He knows everything about me, thanks to your cousin, Haya, ma astaab3id etha 3inda a picture of me b3d!" I stopped to breathe.

"Kamlay." He said with an angry tone.

I took a deep breathe.
"Today when i went to see Haya, She was at first asking about our relationship, if we're still together or not, and then she demanded to know, but i told her it was personal and i dont want to talk about it, and then she said she needs to know because she loves you and she even told her mother about you, and.." I stopped again. i felt a warm tear running down my hot cheeks.

"deema, tasketeen!" He said.

I wiped the tears and continued, "and her mother talked to your mother about it, and she said that there is a possibilities that you and...and haya get married after you graduate from USA." I stuttered.

"Are you done?" He said.

"yeah, ta8reeban." I said.

"Okay, Awal shay salfat omii w khaltii, That's ridiculous, shnu ildenya foutha esawoun kil hal 7achi w ana madrii? dont think about that okay?..." He said.

"Okay" I whispered.

"I want to know about Khaled, everything that happened between you too." He said.

"You ask, and i'll answer." I said.

"Okay, did you talk to him on the phone?" He asked.

"Yes i did." I answered.

"How many times?" He asked.

"I dont know, i lost count." I said.

"What was it about when you talked to him?" He asked.

"It was mainly me telling him to leave me alone, and to stop calling." I said.

"Ahaa.." He said.

"What about HAYA!!?" I yelled.

"What about her?" He said.


"Yes i was, calm down!" He said.

"I can't fucking calm down, you asked about khaled, you commented on what happened today, and you didnt even mention anything about hayaa?!" I said.

"Shtabeeni agoul? ilbnt mu 9a7yah, she's my cousin, dont forget that!" He said.

"I dont care if she's your cousin, i can't believe you're not even slightly mad at her!" I yelled.

"Stop yelling deema!!" He said.

not dayouma?
What the fuck is up with him!

"Deema?" I asked.

"ee deema..?" He said.

"Okay, mashkour w ma tgaa9er, ana banam now, tbii shay?" I said.

"shfeeech?" He asked.

"Mafeeni shay!!" I said. hiding my tears.

"La feeech! ya3ni shtabeeni asawee eb Haya? She's my cousin, i can't do anything about her!" he said.

"Yeah whatever, im going to bed, goodnight and have a nice flight!" I said and closed the phone.

I Threw my phone away and layed on the bed crying.

This is soo not the reaction i expected from Yousef.

I was totally shocked.
I wanted to call D, but it was late, and i know she's fast asleep right now.

Saturday 25th of August
My bedroom

I was still in bed crying.
i dont think there is any more tear left to cry.
My mouth was soo dry, my stomache was aching and so was my heart.

I could never sleep feeling like this.

I got up and looked at myself in the mirror.

I looked terrible.
puffy red eyes with smeared eyeliner and red nose.

I put my hair up and got my towel and headed to my bathroom, i needed to take a bath.

I opened the warm water to fill the tub.
as the water was filling the tub, i sat down thinking of all the things that happened this year. 2008 is definitely a yaer to remember, still few months ahead for the new year to come, i hope it's better than this year. i can't handle more of this anymore.

The tub was filled and i got myself in the bubble bath and started to relax and just forget everything for.....a moment.

Saturday 25th of August
My bedroom

I had over 25 misscalls from Yousef, and 5 misscalls from a home number, which i assumed was Yousef's home number.

I also got 3 text messages from him.


"La ta7gereenii, reday 3alaay, let us talk!"

"Plz Reday, im begging you. or atleast meet me at the airport today, before i leave, i have to see you!"

I was reading the last message when i jumped to my phone in my hand ringing, it was Yousef, by mistake i pressed on the answer button.

I heard him say "ALOO DAYOUM!!!"

I closed the phone.

He called again. and again.

I kept my phone on the maze and turned on the I-pod on shuffle.

"If Tomorrow never comes" by Ronan Keaton started playing.

I felt my heart aching. this song make me sooo sad!

I wanted to skip the song by i couldn't. Part of me wanted to listen to it.

I started singing along to the song.

"Sometimes late at night
I lie awake and watch her sleeping

She's lost in peaceful dreams
So I turn out the lights and lay there in the dark
And the thought crosses my mind
If I never wake up in the morning
Would she ever doubt the way I feel
About her in my heart

If tomorrow never comes
Will she know how much I loved her
Did I try in every way to show her every day
That she's my only one
And if my time on earth were through
And she must face the world without me
Is the love I gave her in the past
Gonna be enough to last
If tomorrow never comes

'Cause I've lost loved ones in my life
Who never knew how much I loved them
Now I live with the regret
That my true feelings for them never were revealed
So I made a promise to myself
To say each day how much she means to me
And avoid that circumstance
Where there's no second chance to tell her how I feel

If tomorrow never comes

Will she know how much I loved her
Did I try in every way to show her every day
That she's my only one
And if my time on earth were through

And she must face the world without me
Is the love I gave her in the past
Gonna be enough to last
If tomorrow never comes
So tell that someone that you love
Just what you're thinking of
If tomorrow never comes"

Suddenly i felt like going to the airport.
To say goodbye in my own way.

*BEEEP* Text message from yousef.

"Are you coming to the airport? Please replay! i need to know!"

I hesitated and replied with, "No."

After that message he called twice.
I felt bad that i was ignoring him on the day that he leaves, but i was soo crushed from his reaction yesterday.

Saturday 25th of August

I sat on one of the benches observing every single person entering the airport.
I made sure where im sitting is not very visible.
I dont want him to see me there.

Suddenly, i saw Yousef walking through the door with his Traveling bag trolly behind him and a gym bag.
I literally observed every move he did.

He looked kind of pale, but still handsome as always.
It looks like i'm not the only one who couldn't sleep last night.
We both pulled an all nighter after all.

I was crying in silence as he made his way to the terminal.
I can't go any further.
I wanted to scream out his name.
But i couldn't.
Instead i just watched the man that captured my heart leaving..

I never imagined this is how we'd say our 'goodbye'!

*BEEEP* New text message.

- S™