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Wednesday, July 23, 2008

"Why women TALK and men WALK!"

This is really a great book to improve your relationship with your partner. This book shows you how to improve it without discussing anything to your man, since they tend to run away form these kind of subjects, like "let's talk about our relationship?" or "Where are we now in our relationship?"

I recommend this book for those who just can’t understand how their better halves think or behave and have done their best to follow traditional advice of ‘improving communication skills’ without success, this is different and refreshing perspective on improving relationships.

In their introduction, Patricia Love and Steven Stosny declare that “It’s not about communication.” but rather about "connection.” or to be more exact, why sometimes we 'disconnect' from our partners.

When you read the book you really feel like Love & Stosny are speaking to you in person. the way the book is written is in a chatty way, if i may say. It's really enjoyful to read, you won't get bored from all the relationship improvements.

And here is some parts of the book i thought were interesting;;
We all know men & women think and feel differently, Research and clinical experience show that the majority of men, including those who ignore or take their partners for granted, want a closer and deeper emotional connection just as much as women do. Also Research and clinical experience tells us that marriage and committed love relationships are more important to the health and well-being of men than women. Divorced men do not work as well or live as long or "survive" with anything like the quality of life enjoyed by married men.

Women want to talk about the relationship because they're upset and want to feel better. men don't want to talk because talking won't make them feel better. infact, it will make them feel worse! So whether she forces him to talk or not, they both end up feeling disappointed and disconnected. This loneliness of disconnection lies at the heart of every argument or cold silence, fueling your disappointment or resentment. it also leads to the distance that can ultimately tear your relationship apart!

Your relationship can fail with neither of you doing anything wrong. If you do not understand the extent to which fear and shame drive your disconnection from each other. Understanding each other's core vulnerabilities and learing hot to manage them will give you a new perspective on your relationship -- a dual perspective based on both points of view -- that leads to compassionate connection and love beyond words.

It's not about communication;;
If you were to say to the man in your life, "Honey, we need to talk about our relationship," what do you think would happen?
If he would answer this question with something like "I thought you'd never ask!" Or "I've been dying to share my feelings about our life together, and i especially want to hear how you feel about us and what you want for us" then neither of you needs to read this book. Most women would expect their men would get distracted, defensive, irritated, or fidgety, or roll their eyes or shut down completely; and most men would feel like they were being punished for a crime they didn't commit. Undoubtedly you've had the conversations we are talking about. She knows her lines, he knows his, and it always ends up worse than it started. No wonder the five words a man dreads most are "Honey, we need to talk."

I guess that's enough about the book, Buy it and improve your relationship that is if your relationship needs improvement, 'cos some of us are born with the talent of connecting with her other half..
I haven't finished the whole book yet, but so good. If you're in kuwait You can find it in Virgin Megastore, Or if you're not that good in english, i heard in Aljareer Library, there is an arabic version of it, translated. Go get yourself the book and SAVE your relationship.. :P



Seattle dude said...

I was gonna say culture specific, but in today's world its really individual specific i think.

I haven't read the book myself, but my impression just from reading the posted part, that its basically a guideline FOR communication, even though it says its not about it.

kind of like a clash between verbal/nonverbal communication intertwined with each partner's understanding of each other.

well thats my impression anyway!!

dreamGIRL said...

I just posted the first part of the book just like 2 pages or something, but the book contains 213 pages. so i guess later on the book you'll realise that's it's about "connection" and notn "communication", The book is really good so far.

And thanks for the comment.. ;)!

Zoe said...

People should read this.

dreamGIRL said...

yeah, it's really good!